Dr. Madhurima Agarwal, my youngest Buaji (my Father's youngest sister) has passed away today at the age of 46 because of Breast Cancer. There are several thoughts going on in my mind. Memories of her. How much I hate Cancer. A lot of pain. Her love for me and all my cousins. And now I feel there is no one to whom I can ever call and say "Buaji, I have a stomach ache which medicine should I take?" or several other advices on life, spirituality. She stayed with us for a long time before getting married. I grew up with her. She used to tell me my childhood stories; "Jab nupur choti thi na itna bhagti thi pure aangan mein". She is the one who was there when I stepped into adolescent life and guide me through. Since she was a doctor, she was always there for us. We never needed to go outside for a medical advice. I remember so many stories of her, so many birthday gifts and cards. And yes most special she and I shared the same birthday. I used to wish her Happy Birthday and she used to say "Same to You". She used to remember everyone's birthday and wedding anniversaries and give us so many gifts. There are so many other things which are just feelings very difficult to express in words. I now realize she was not just a Bua but like my elder sister who was there guiding me always.
She will always remain in our hearts and memories. And I will really miss her a lot. Now to talk to her I have to look at sky and ask her please come and bless me Buaji.
But this was not an age for her to leave this world. I remember the day when I got to know she has been diagnosed with this deadly disease. Difficult day for everyone still thought that there may be a recovery. There is so much advancement in Medical Science. But then we came to know Chemotherapies are not simple therapy they are extremely painful procedures which leave the patient in pain for 6-7 days. Chemotherapies and radiotherapies alone could not cure her. Then came the surgery which removed her breast and armpit nodules making her life difficult and even more painful. Everyone thought she is cured now and expected a life of at least 15 years. She started getting back to her life, started going to her clinic. But then after a 5-6 months she again started getting symptoms of illness. She went for a diagnosis and this time there were Cancer spots on her lungs. Now you cannot remove every part of body and ask a human to live. Moreover she didn't want to go through the deadly process of Chemotherapy again. That was the time she gave hope and knew what is going to come. Her last few days were very painful. And we all knew from here only exit is the One.
I wish my Buaji gets another life where she gets all the beautiful things in life again and no pain only happiness and I wish I can meet her again.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Monday, July 5, 2010
Apathy
My heart is crying since morning. Looking for a place where I can weep and vent out my emotions. But as we grow old crying is kind of a weakness and rather its does not do any purpose. So here why not I pour my feelings and at least give them a shape. Well, today an incident happened which jolted me from my sleep or my comfort zone and showed me world of immense pain and 'Apathy'. Today due to the All India Bandh our regular domestic help did not turn up for work. I asked my landlady to send the lady working at her place to ours for washing dishes. Now, problem starts here could I not wash a few dishes on my own (which I used to do daily twice in Switzerland for year and a half as there are no domestic helps available at reasonable price and we didn't have a dishwasher in our apartment )? Although at the back of my mind somewhere I was feeling it is not right I should myself do this little job, but still when that other domestic help stepped in, I felt relieved. She started washing dishes and I got busy with preparing breakfast and suddenly a sound of crack and a cry of pain. Oh God, a glass ware had broken and one its piece pierced her little finger. Blood was oozing all over the basin and I could see her finger bone through that deep slit. I rushed for cotton and antiseptic cream. But to this severe and deep cut a mere antiseptic could never stop. I shouted for Rahul and we both immediately took her to doctor. While rickshaw was pedalling to Doctor's, the poor girl, yes that maid was some 20-22 year old girl was sitting silently besides me. I was wondering how is she bearing that pain. I was constantly thinking it is all my fault. If I would have washed the dishes on my own and never called her. This would not have happened to her. I was feeling terrible and cursing my self badly.
When we reached Doctor's clinic and in not at all crowded clinic asked him to attend this girl, to my shock, he said "Please wait these people are habituated to all this stuff". I was like what is he saying, is he crazy or what. This girl is suffering from pain and he is casually totaling his bill. Till that time tears had started rolling down my eyes and that girl still stood calmly as if I m hurt not she. Well after few minutes he looked at the wound and told it will need stitches and asked us to go to the Emergency of nearby Seva Hospital and told the directions to Rickshaw wala. And cautioned me not to go with her as I am soft-hearted and may not be able to see the wound at all.
But no question of sending her alone there. Me and Rahul accompanied her to the hospital and there again had to face another even more "Sarkari" doctor, who was also busy in some calculation. But in that place I would still consider us lucky that we got attention of the nurse who directed us to Emergency Room.
And to the shock of my life that Emergency from outside seemed like some public toilet and from inside was a place where it is difficult to stand. There they 'treat' human beings. Dirty sheets rather rags, dirty dish and spotted walls. I had already started feeling dizzy. The so called ward boy or whatever he was came in a dirty T-Shirt and nickers and asked the girl to sit on a stool. Then came the senior ward boy some what cleanly dressed at least bothered to have an apron. Well seeing my expressions and still rolling tears asked me to stand outside. I could hear her cries from outside who was getting stitches without any local Anaesthesia. When could not bear went inside saw those ugly black untidy stitches on her finger. Which again made me heavily dizzy and not to create a scene by falling in the room I came out and sat on a bench. Till that time my tears had stopped and awakened my thought process that what is the use of a State of art Airport terminal in New Delhi when we do not have basic health amenities and that too here in Salt lake not a sub-urban area or village but a posh area of Kolkata( Biggest Metro City of India ). What an apathy.........
Can we really call India a Developing nation or should we call a Deteriorating Nation?
Rahul bought the medicines and we brought that poor girl back to home. I asked her to sit gave her some water and called the landlady. Then we all talked to her consoled her. Gave her some money. By this time she was again calm. She left for home with her hand fully bandaged. Was wondering can that little money heal her pain and how unknowingly I had given her so much pain and taken away her work rights for a month or so.
Went back to kitchen and saw all that blood spilt on basin and dishes. Rahul and I got down to the job of cleaning dishes. Probably if we had done this earlier, could have saved that girl from so much suffering.
When we reached Doctor's clinic and in not at all crowded clinic asked him to attend this girl, to my shock, he said "Please wait these people are habituated to all this stuff". I was like what is he saying, is he crazy or what. This girl is suffering from pain and he is casually totaling his bill. Till that time tears had started rolling down my eyes and that girl still stood calmly as if I m hurt not she. Well after few minutes he looked at the wound and told it will need stitches and asked us to go to the Emergency of nearby Seva Hospital and told the directions to Rickshaw wala. And cautioned me not to go with her as I am soft-hearted and may not be able to see the wound at all.
But no question of sending her alone there. Me and Rahul accompanied her to the hospital and there again had to face another even more "Sarkari" doctor, who was also busy in some calculation. But in that place I would still consider us lucky that we got attention of the nurse who directed us to Emergency Room.
And to the shock of my life that Emergency from outside seemed like some public toilet and from inside was a place where it is difficult to stand. There they 'treat' human beings. Dirty sheets rather rags, dirty dish and spotted walls. I had already started feeling dizzy. The so called ward boy or whatever he was came in a dirty T-Shirt and nickers and asked the girl to sit on a stool. Then came the senior ward boy some what cleanly dressed at least bothered to have an apron. Well seeing my expressions and still rolling tears asked me to stand outside. I could hear her cries from outside who was getting stitches without any local Anaesthesia. When could not bear went inside saw those ugly black untidy stitches on her finger. Which again made me heavily dizzy and not to create a scene by falling in the room I came out and sat on a bench. Till that time my tears had stopped and awakened my thought process that what is the use of a State of art Airport terminal in New Delhi when we do not have basic health amenities and that too here in Salt lake not a sub-urban area or village but a posh area of Kolkata( Biggest Metro City of India ). What an apathy.........
Can we really call India a Developing nation or should we call a Deteriorating Nation?
Rahul bought the medicines and we brought that poor girl back to home. I asked her to sit gave her some water and called the landlady. Then we all talked to her consoled her. Gave her some money. By this time she was again calm. She left for home with her hand fully bandaged. Was wondering can that little money heal her pain and how unknowingly I had given her so much pain and taken away her work rights for a month or so.
Went back to kitchen and saw all that blood spilt on basin and dishes. Rahul and I got down to the job of cleaning dishes. Probably if we had done this earlier, could have saved that girl from so much suffering.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Whats in a name
Why 'CURIOSITY' is the name of this blog? Well a simple answer to this is that's what has brought you here to read this blog. Or simply I would say sounded best to me at the moment.
But I love this blog. Now I have got wings and can express my thoughts, my views and many imaginations which I have. At times I have so many ideas floating inside me and if I can pen them at the right time, yeah I know, I know they are not going to become some inventions and change mankind, but at least I'll get satisfaction that those thoughts didn't just vanish in air.
A lot keeps happening in my life, some is really worthy to share. Someone may benefit from that experience sometime. But yeah writing a blog is not that I have become so considerate for others suddenly. I think writing is a kind of addiction. It feels like I want to write something and thoughts just pour in automatically. So here I am greatest writer of the century. Keep your cool guys. I know my reality. So more of me and my thoughts will keep coming right here. And you keep checking what I have to say.
Love to all my readers. I know at present none. :)
But I love this blog. Now I have got wings and can express my thoughts, my views and many imaginations which I have. At times I have so many ideas floating inside me and if I can pen them at the right time, yeah I know, I know they are not going to become some inventions and change mankind, but at least I'll get satisfaction that those thoughts didn't just vanish in air.
A lot keeps happening in my life, some is really worthy to share. Someone may benefit from that experience sometime. But yeah writing a blog is not that I have become so considerate for others suddenly. I think writing is a kind of addiction. It feels like I want to write something and thoughts just pour in automatically. So here I am greatest writer of the century. Keep your cool guys. I know my reality. So more of me and my thoughts will keep coming right here. And you keep checking what I have to say.
Love to all my readers. I know at present none. :)
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